Life Is What Happens
by DaisyG80
Summary: How did she get here? And where will she go from here? Events in the past year of Sara's life leading to her separation from Gil and after. **I haven't written in a long time so please R&R - Thanks!**Rating updated to be safe**
1. Chapter 1

Sara couldn't understand how she had gotten to this point. How her life had spiraled out of control without her realizing it until it was too late. She finished stowing her carry-on bag in the compartment above her seat and settled herself into the seat closest to the window. She loved to fly and was glad she was able to get a window seat for her flight to San Francisco. She sighed quietly and looked out over the airfield, watching airport staff loading baggage into another plane but not really seeing.

Sara leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes, trying for the thousandth time to organize the events of the last year in her mind. Her marriage to Gil had been anything but what one might call normal. After finding her in Costa Rica, she and Gil had been at their happiest. They were together and that was all that had mattered to either one of them. During the day they explored and assisted the research team together. At night they learned one another again. Their connection had always been strong and a bit overwhelming and proved to survive their separation. Remembering the happiest days of her life left her with pain in her heart knowing that those days were over and she would never know happiness with Gil again.

The sound of the compartment above her head being opened prompted Sara to open her eyes. An older woman in blue jeans and a white dress shirt put her bag away and sat down next to Sara.

"Hi," the woman said looking at Sara, "I'm Josie."

Sara smiled and held out her hand, "Good to meet you. I'm Sara."

"I love to fly but…" Josie began.

"But?"

"This is going to sound wrong but I find trying to have polite conversation for an hour and a half with a complete stranger very awkward," she said, wincing.

Sara laughed, "I'm with you. So you don't mind if we don't do the awkward conversation thing?"

With a relieved look on her smiling face, Josie replied, "Not at all. What I really want to do is nap." She looked around the plane which was rapidly filling up and got comfortable in her seat. Sara went back to looking out the window and to her thoughts. When Sara was asked to go back to the lab to help out neither she nor Gil had been worried about their relationship. They were both independent people with a lot of respect and love for each other. They spoke on the phone daily the first two years. Then Gil began taking assignments in remote places where cell phone reception was minimal and they talked whenever they could. Gil rarely made it back to the states but when he did they spent nearly every minute together and parting at the end of each visit became harder and harder.

As she thought back now, Sara wasn't sure which of them began pulling back first. For her part it was merely a defense mechanism. The longer she was apart from Gil the more she missed him. She had no idea how difficult it would become only being able to speak to the love of her life sporadically over the phone, making love only the few times they were able to see each other each year. As she had been from the beginning, Sara was more open with her emotions and concerns for their marriage than was Gil. After three years she began seriously suggesting she leave Vegas to travel and work with him again. At first, he just avoided discussing it. Preferring to pretend everything was okay, maybe believing if he didn't admit there was a problem it would simply resolve itself over time. And then about a year ago, the changes in their marriage became more prominent and at the end of each conversation both hung up feeling unsatisfied and angry with the other.

From then on the sporadic calls came even less until they spoke just a few times a month and those calls were anything but happy. Gil didn't want her to leave Las Vegas. Yet, he said. But he wasn't ready to come back either. The strain of the separation wore on Sara. She fell back into the habit of trying to lose herself in her work and used most of her energy to pretend for everyone at the lab that her marriage was fine.

Sara glanced up and saw the flight attendant giving the usual instructions in case of an emergency landing. She picked up her purse and turned off her cell phone. She wasn't expecting any calls anyway.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

***Author's Notes***

It has been a long time since I've written fanfic and I have only every written CSI, specifically GSR. Even after everything I'm still a GSR shipper. This story is my take on what might have happened between Sara and Gil and what will happen in the future. This is just a story I haven't been able to get out of my head.

I am currently without a beta so any spelling or grammatical mistakes are mine and I apologize. I would love to have feedback on this story if you'll take just a moment to let me know your thoughts. Thanks!

Spoilers through the Ghosts of the Past

She leaned her head back and continued looking out the window as the plane began to taxi down the runway. She closed her eyes as the plane increased speed and began to lift off of the ground. This was her favorite part of flying; the fluttery feeling in her stomach and then the feeling of being in the air with the big machine rocking back and forth as it gained altitude.

About seven months ago, during a particularly tense phone call to her husband, Sara blurted out, "I'm tired of being alone, Gil! Living apart like this, for as long as we have, isn't working anymore. Something needs to change. I get the feeling that you aren't invested in our marriage anymore…" she trailed off, holding her breath to hear how he would respond.

"Sara. I'm sorry…I don't know how to fix this."

"What is to understand? To fix 'this' we need to find a way to be together and work on…" It suddenly dawned on her that maybe when he said "this" he wasn't referring to their separation. "What do you mean, exactly? What don't you know how to fix?" Her grip on the cell phone slipped, her hand suddenly clammy, and her uncertain if she was prepared for his answer.

"Sara…" he began softly. "I…" he stopped. She wasn't sure if he was still there until she heard him let out a breath.

"Gil…did you have an affair? Oh, god. Are you still having an affair?" Suddenly nauseous, stomach clenching, she sat down on the closest chair.

"No! Of course not. I would never do that to you, Sara."

Relief made her dizzy, but her suspicions were not dispelled at his denial. "What then?"

"I thought this…our marriage and relationship would be easy. I love you, Sara. But I don't know how to be a husband, to make you happy. I thought it would come naturally once we were married and finally together. But I became overwhelmed and allowed…no, encouraged you to go back to Las Vegas. Your leaving eliminated the immediate problem –"

Sara sucked in a breath and blinked back tears. "Glad I could help solve your problems by leaving, Gil," she said, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

"That's not what I meant, Sara."

"Then maybe you should just get to the point, Gil." She was getting angry now.

"After you left some of the pressure I was feeling eased. I wanted…I wanted to work though what I was feeling and get past it and I had to do it on my own."

Sara closed her eyes. She wasn't sure which was worse: that her leaving made him feel better or that their marriage was in trouble for years before knew it. She felt betrayed and foolish.

"Since nothing has changed for the better and only gotten worse, I guess I can assume you were never able to work through it." She was perversely happy that her voice was strong and unwavering while she was crumbling on the inside. Only silence met her accusation but as she had told him once before, silence is an answer too. Slowly, she lifted the phone away from her ear and pressed the end button, feeling as though she was ending more than just the call.

It was two weeks before they spoke again. They avoided bringing up the last conversation and the short call was awkward and sad. That was the first time they didn't say "I love you" and the memory still cut deep. A month later, Doug Wilson walked back into her life albeit briefly. They had worked together during an investigation in San Francisco. Before the end of that long ago investigation they became friends and eventually lovers. So many years later he was just as funny and handsome as ever. What surprised her most was how well he still knew her. Not just how she drank her coffee, but how he knew she was unhappy. That revelation really threw her. It also gave her a lot to think about.

Gil was a good man. He was brilliant and handsome and completely clueless when it came to personal relationships, even friendships. For a long time she thought that endearing. Then frustrating and eventually despairing. Sometimes she thought he chose to remain clueless due to sheer laziness. Building relationships and interacting with other took work and a certain amount of risk. Maybe he didn't want to have to work at maintaining a relationship. Certainly, he didn't want to deal with the risks involved. It wasn't physical risk he was afraid of but emotional. He had tried to change that about himself and apparently was unable to. Even for her, whom he swore to love and cherish.

Sara sighed. She'd spent so many hours thinking about what went wrong, how it could have been prevented, where had she failed? No amount of analyzing and agonizing would change the fact that she was divorced from the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with. Sadly, after so much pain and heartache, it was almost a relief to know that it was over. Papers signed and filed. Property and assets divided. There would be no more wondering when or even if he would call. Wondering when they would see each other again. Now she knew there would be no more calls and it was likely she wouldn't see him again.


	3. Chapter 3

***Author's Note***

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I know that these first few chapter have been and will be sad but I think it sums up Sara's state of mind right now. However, Sara is strong and very smart and there is still hope for GSR :)

***Chapter 3***

Sara's eyes flew open as the plane dropped suddenly and the cabin began to shake. The captain's voice came over the intercom informing the passengers that there was nothing to worry about, just a small patch of turbulence. Within moments the shuddering had stopped and the ride was smooth once more. Turbulence had never bothered Sara but a quick look to her side revealed Josie's death grip on the arm rest. Josie gave a small but nervous laugh and worked at relaxing her clenched muscles. Sara patted her hand and smiled. She glanced at her watch and saw there was only about twenty minutes until they landed in San Francisco.

Inwardly she sighed. It was time to stop walking down memory lane, at least in relation to Gil Grissom, and time to focus on the reason for her last minute trip. Lyle Brinks. A particularly sadistic serial killer she had helped to put away years before. The lead detective on the case was Diane Haggerty. Sara had worked with Diane on a number of cases prior to Brinks. They had continued to stay in touch after Sara moved to Las Vegas but as so often is the case, time and distance eroded their once close friendship.

A few days previously Diane had called her out of the blue. Sara had been happy to hear from her old friend but more so because of the timing. The last several months had been hard and a friendly voice was most welcome. That is until Diane explained the reason for her call. Lyle Brinks had become available for parole. Considering the heinous nature of his crimes, Sara couldn't imagine anyone agreeing to release him from prison but she wasn't taking any chances. She was positive if released he would kill again.

Lyle Brinks had the perfect plan for murder. He purchased police uniforms and equipment from a supply store. He was very thorough and very organized. He owned a former police cruiser and still resembled the current models enough that he wouldn't be questioned. He equipped himself with the necessary tools: a dash light, taser, mace, flexi-cuffs, and badge. He had inherited his father's service weapon and holster. This was all part of his disguise. His real pride was his toys. A long bowie knife, nylon rope, blindfold and gag, a black tarp, and chloroform completed his murder kit.

In the late night and early morning hours he hunted. He drove endlessly through San Francisco and its suburbs looking for the perfect victim. A woman, alone in a car, looking lost was the type he kept an eye out for. He preferred brunettes with longer hair but was less choosy about looks than with opportunity. Once he identified the woman he wanted he would follow her, turning on his high beams to keep her from being able to see him or the car clearly. Then he would turn on the dash light and wait for the victim to take the bait. Once she decided to pull over, her fate was sealed.

Brinks liked to play with the victims first. The women were already nervous, worried about getting a ticket, wondering if they had been speeding. He played his role perfectly. At first he was all business, asking for her driver's license and registration and pretending to examine the documents. Then he turned on the charm. He made her feel more comfortable, maybe even comfortable enough to flirt with him, probably just trying to get out of a ticket. All the while he was laughing inside, knowing she would be begging for her life soon.

Sara shuddered as she remembered the crime scenes and later his emotionless responses during questioning and later at the trial. He was a true sociopath if she'd ever seen one. She and Diane suspected there were dozens of victims but only seventeen were found.

Sara noticed an increase in the movement of the passengers around her as well as the flight attendants and realized they would be landing within minutes. She took a deep breath and set her purse in her lap. Soon she would be back in San Francisco, on the ground, reunited with old friends and trying to make sure a killer stayed in his cage.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N** Thank you so much for reading and of course for reviewing! (Hint Hint lol)

Sara was surprised to realize she was feeling slightly nervous. It had been years since she had seen Diane and anyone else from the San Francisco PD and the lab. So much had changed for Sara since she moved to Las Vegas and she found herself wondering how her former co-workers and friends had changed also.

"Well, I'm about to find out," she thought as the plane touched down gently.

Next to her Josie stretched her arms above her head and yawned. She looked over to Sara and smiled. "This has probably been the fastest flight I've ever taken! And the most relaxing," she added.

Sara nodded in agreement, smiling a little thinking her thoughts had been anything but relaxing. The aircraft coasted to a stop, Sara and the other passengers began gathering their belongings and unbuckling. The sound of chatter and cell phones being turned on filled the cabin. As she looked around her Sara decided all flights are pretty much the same, even down to the impatience once the plane has stopped.

People were standing and holding their carry-on bags looking at the flight attendants expectantly even though it would several minutes before they were allowed to disembark. Sara shook her head and remained in her seat, unwilling to jostle her way through the crowd in order to save a few seconds of time.

Since she was one of the last passengers off the terminal was nearly empty when she walked into the airport. Taking her time she made her way to the baggage claim to wait for the rest of her luggage. D.B. had suggested she take some time off for herself while she was here, and while she had scoffed at the time Sara had packed for a few extra days in case she changed her mind. While she was waiting for her flight number to announce the arrival of her bags she felt someone walk up behind her. Surprised when the person stopped within inches of her back and didn't move, Sara turned and felt her jaw drop when she saw Doug Wilson smiling at her.

"Hello, Sara."

Doug was the last person Sara expected to see and yet here he was, standing in the middle of the airport looking very pleased with himself.

"Doug." Surprise, mingled with several other emotions, momentarily interrupted her thought processes. "What are you doing here? An NTSB agent in an airport can't be a good thing," she said with a smirk, trying to cover her confused emotions with levity.

"I'm not here on business, Sara. I'm here for you." He took her arm and moved them closer to the baggage claim. During their brief exchange her flight number had flashed above the rotating belt. "Which bag is yours?"

She hadn't even left the airport yet and this trip was already taking an unexpected turn. Sara had an idea of why he was there, of course. He had made his interest in her plain when they last saw each other just before Christmas. Her biggest question at the moment was not why, but how did he know she would be flying into San Francisco and when. Taking a deep breath, she watched for her bags. Within moments she recognized her navy blue luggage and reached for them.

Doug picked up the larger of the two suitcases while she pulled the other from the belt. He shot her a questioning look.

"Two bags? You used to pack light," he said. He grinned as another thought occurred to him. "Unless two bags means you'll be staying for a while?

Sara laughed softly and shook her head. "Can we get out of the airport? And then you can tell me how you found out my flight information and why you're here 'for me.'"

"Fair enough. I'm parked in the loading area," he told her and motioned for her to precede him to the exit. Once outside, they stowed her bags into the trunk of his car and got in. Doug put the key into the ignition but hesitated before starting the car. "Where to?"

Sara buckled her seatbelt and looked over at him. "I have a reservation at the Marriott Marquis," she said, hiding a smile at the look on his face. He gave a low whistle.

"Wow. The Marquis. You've certainly developed some expensive tastes," he said with a smile. The Marriott Marquis was a very upscale hotel located in the center of the large city. Normally she would have opted for a more reasonably priced hotel but D.B. was right. It had been very rough these last few months and Sara needed to break out of her routine and pamper herself a little. She invested herself one hundred percent in everything from work to gardening to photography. Right now she needed to take a step back and reevaluate her life.

"And I'm worth every penny," she smirked. She expected him to laugh and tease her but instead he just looked at her with a small smile.

"It's about time you realized that, Sara. I've known it for years."

Surprise widened her eyes and he cleared his throat and faced forward again. He sighed and reached out to start the car. With another glance in her direction he put the vehicle in drive and headed out of the airport parking lot.

The car quiet until Doug merged onto Highway 101, heading north to her hotel. "You know, Sara, you don't have to stay at a hotel…" he trailed off and then grinned. "But the Marquis does have better accommodations than my condo."

Sara shot a quick look at him and laughed. "Yeah, well, I've learned that you get what you pay for. So I think I'll stick with the Marquis. But thanks for the offer," she said with a smile, shaking her head.

"Ouch! And here I was going to offer you room service." His tone was light but she sensed that all joking aside his offer of a place to stay was sincere. Unfortunately, his offer of room service was also sincere and she had not come to San Francisco looking to complicate her life even more. And getting involved with Doug again would definitely be a complication.

TBC…


	5. Chapter 5

***A/N***

Thank you for all the great reviews! In Chapter 6 we are going to leave Sara for a while and see what Grissom is doing. Happy Reading!

Chapter 5

Though the hotel was only about nineteen miles from the airport the drive took nearly forty-five minutes due to heavy traffic. Sara had successfully changed the subject after Doug's offer and she used the opportunity to find out how he knew about her trip.

"Diane Haggerty called me. She told me you were flying in for the Brinks parole hearing. And I wanted to see you again. So, here I am," he said, smiling at her. She was going to have to talk to the detective about giving a girl some warning before trying her hand at match making.

"Doug…I am really glad you came and…" she took a deep breath and released it before continuing, "I just want to be very clear. I can't get involved with anyone right now." He cocked an eyebrow at her and she flushed. "Romantically, I mean. I need to get my life together and I can't do that and start a relationship right now." She held up a hand to keep him from speaking, "And I have come to realize I am not cut out for casual sex."

There were a few moments of awkward silence as Doug pulled up to the hotel and parked. Turning off the engine he absorbed what she had said. Turning to her, he responded softly, "Sara, nothing between us will ever be casual. When I saw you in Vegas last December I realized that I still cared for you. And I miss you." Sara started to speak but he interrupted, "And because I care for you I won't push you. This is going to sound like a line but I want us to be friends again. If it turns into something more down the road, we'll deal with that then."

Sara sat back, slightly surprised at his words though grateful. She needed a friend right now, not a boyfriend and she knew that Doug was a good man and would keep his word.

He smiled and held out his hand, "So. Friends?"

With a small shake of her head she took his hand, "Definitely friends."

"Okay," he said opening his door, "let's go get you checked into your fancy room."

She climbed out and they unloaded her bags from the trunk. Walking into the spacious lobby, Sara saw the concierge behind the long marble counter. Doug hung back while the checked in. When she turned around, key in hand, she saw him leaning against one of the wooden pillars. She motioned toward the elevators and looked at her watch.

"I'm on the twenty-fifth floor. A room with a city view." She smiled brightly, looking forward to finally getting to her room and getting cleaned up. Travelling, no matter how short the journey, always left her feeling grimy. The doors opened and they walked into the elevator. Pressing the button, she asked him about his plans for the evening.

"Well, I was thinking we could get some dinner and catch up. The hearing is set for the day after tomorrow, right?" She nodded in confirmation and he continued, "When are going to meet with Diane?"

The elevator arrived on her floor and they stepped out, walking toward her room. "I'll call her and let her know I'm here and make plans to meet up tomorrow. I want catch up with her before we have to focus on the hearing." They arrived at her room and she opened the door. Walking in after Sara, he gave a low whistle and she had to smile.

While it wasn't one of their more expensive rooms it was still beautiful. A king size bed covered with a white down comforter and six feather pillows sat opposite a long marble counter containing several dresser drawers and a mini fridge. A silver 32' television sat on the counter next to a personal sized coffee pot. She would need to request more coffee and sugar.

At the far end, the counter turned into a desk area with a lamp and comfortable looking office chair. One of the best features was the view. Windows nearly the length of the room looked out over the city which was beautiful during the day but look spectacular come nightfall. In front of the windows was a plush chair and a half and she looked forward to enjoying a cup of coffee in that chair, watching the city wake up.

Sara turned to Doug and took the handle of her suitcase from him. "Dinner and catching up sounds great but I need to get cleaned up." Looking at her watch she saw it was barely four in the afternoon and she was anxious to see what the bathroom provided. "Do you mind picking me up at seven and we can go to the Golden Era?" Even before becoming a vegetarian she had loved the Golden Era restaurant which served only vegetarian fare.

"That sounds great." He walked to the door and turned back to her saying, "I'll see you in a few hours." He smiled and closed the door.

Sara let out a deep breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. She had half expected him to hit on her again or make a suggestive comment at the very least. Maybe they really would be able to just be friends.

Sara sat down on the edge of the bed and looked around the beautiful hotel room with the fantastic view and felt an almost dizzying wave of loneliness wash over her. She knew that she could have company, she could have asked Doug to stay but she didn't want _company_.

She wanted one man to be there with her, to share the lush king sized bed with. But Gil had decided to no longer share anything with her. Sara closed her eyes against the tears that threatened. She had to face the reality of not having him in her life anymore.

TBC…


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Los Angeles, California_

Gil Grissom adjusted the strap of the tote hanging from his shoulder as he stepped into the cool airport terminal. He looked around at the other passengers who had come off the plane before him. Most were stretching out their muscles after the four and a half hour flight from San Salvador. Others were already on their cell phones, presumably calling loved ones or friends. Grissom would be calling neither.

He could have told some of his friends from the Las Vegas Crime Lab that he would flying into Los Angeles. He knew they would have been happy to see him but he did not want to face the inevitable questions about his marriage. Or lack thereof. He also did not want to talk to his mother right now for the same reason.

There was only one person who Grissom wanted to see and she was out of his reach. The worst part was that it was his own damn fault. Grissom sighed and started walking toward the baggage claim, unaware that almost four hundred miles away Sara was mimicking his movements in San Francisco.

After more than ten hours of traveling to get to L.A. from Lima, Peru, Grissom was exhausted. He would think about Sara later, for now he needed to focus on getting his bags and renting a car which turned out to be easier said than done. There was some mix up when the bags were unloaded from two different planes and it took more than an hour for the airline to get it sorted out. By then there were at least seventy people waiting by the conveyer belts to retrieve their luggage so actually getting his bags too an additional forty-five minutes.

Nearly two hours after he walked off of his plane Grissom was finally able to make his way over to the car rental company. When he saw the long line formed there Grissom groaned aloud. He was not entirely certain but he thought this was probably the worst traveling experience he'd had. A large part of that was his state of mind, he supposed. While waiting for the line to move forward Grissom began prioritizing what he needed to accomplish that night. Luckily, he had been able to make a hotel reservation at the DoubleTree Inn in Little Tokyo near the airport.

Surprisingly, the line for the rental cars moved quickly and he waited no more than fifteen minutes before arranging a rental of a Toyota RAV4. He thanked the clerk and gathered his bags, heading outside to pick up his rental.

Grissom loaded his bags into the back of the Toyota and settled himself behind the wheel. The tension in his neck and back made the short drive to his hotel uncomfortable. After so many hours cramped in the coach seat and then two and a half more hours standing in the airport Grissom was anxious to get into his hotel room so he could relax his aching body. The check in process was relatively quick due to the previously made reservation and Grissom made short work of getting to his room.

There was nothing special about the hotel or the room. It was chosen for its convenient location and price. Without Sara to share it with, there was really no point in getting anything fancy. As soon as he dragged his luggage into the spacious room, Grissom toed off his shoes and headed straight to the bathroom. After taking care of the call of nature and washing his hands and face, he stood in the middle of the room at the foot of the bed. Deciding unpacking could wait he stripped down to his boxers and crawled under the covers. Grissom had a vague feeling of hunger but fell asleep within seconds.

He dreamed of Sara. Grissom was walking through the Vegas Crime Lab, invisible or unnoticed by those working around him. He wandered from room to room, sometimes walking inside or just looking through the glass walls at the occupants. Archie and Greg were sitting in the A.V. lab watching Nickelodeon on the large monitor on the wall. Al Robbins and David Phillips were performing an autopsy on the break room table while Henry was eating a donut and pointing to different areas of the body.

Finally, Grissom came to his old office and walked inside. It was very different. There were posters of different species of birds covering the wall behind the desk. He noticed something strange about the posters and stepped closer for a better look. Then he realized they weren't posters but crayon drawings of birds. Grissom felt a hand settle on his shoulder and looked around. Nick stood there grinning at him. "Do you like them? I did them myself," Nick said, proudly gesturing to the drawings.

Without responding Grissom turned and walked back into the hallway, leaving Nick admiring his pictures. Grissom knew there was someone else he should be looking for but he couldn't focus on who it was. He knew the person was important to him and couldn't understand why he could not remember who the person was. He glanced to his left and caught a glimpse of a tall woman walking around the corner. She had brown, shoulder length hair and she was hunched over slightly as if in pain.

Thinking she was the person he was looking for, he started after her. Every time he got closer to the corner she had walk around it would move farther away. He began to run, desperate to follow her but no matter how fast or far he ran he couldn't reach the corner. There was sweat running down Grissom's face and back. Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his chest and thought "it's killing me." As he fell to the ground, clutching his chest Grissom realized he was dying of a broken heart and all at once her name came to him – "SARA!"

Grissom sat straight up in bed, panting and sweating, trying to figure out where he was. As he began to come out of the fog of sleep he remembered he was in his hotel room. His heart beat began to slow down to a regular rhythm and he wondered to himself if he had yelled her name into the empty room or just in his dream.

TBC…


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**

Once again, a big Thank You to all those who have reviewed! I love the suggestions and enthusiasm for this story. I started a new job today so bear with me – I will still be trying to update daily if I can.

**Happy Reading!**

Chapter 7

_Los Angeles, California_

Grissom collapsed back against his pillows with a hand pressed over his heart. He closed his eyes as the vividness of the dream was already beginning to fade. Almost reluctantly opening his eyes, he checked the time. He sat up again and swung his legs to the floor, surprised that he had managed to sleep for seven hours. Rubbing a hand over his face, he reached for the room service menu deciding he needed to eat and it was not worth leaving the hotel at this hour to find food.

After ordering the ridiculously expensive dinner Grissom moved about the room efficiently putting away his toiletries and hanging his clothes for the next day in the closet. He was putting on his robe after having washed his face when the room service arrived. Settling down to eat his meal, Grissom couldn't help but think back on the events of the last several months. He was frustrated and ashamed of his behavior.

Things between him and Sara had not been right for more than a year and he willing accepted his share of the responsibility for that. It was his decision to take assignments in areas where it would be difficult if not downright impossible for communication between them. She supported his decision of course but if he was truthful with himself at least, it was the first time he had become conscious of pulling away from her emotionally. Instead of addressing this detachment he pushed it aside and threw himself into his work, falling back into habits he thought he had overcome.

Soon, he was working nearly as much as when he had supervised the Las Vegas lab. He and Sara talked rarely, and each conversation left him feeling inadequate. Grissom's trips home happened less and less. Neither of them was happy with the situation. Sara had always been faster to address problems and unhappiness in order to get past it and this time was no different. She knew what needed to be done to fix their marriage and took a proactive approach. However, just as it was easier for Sara to address problems, it was easier for Grissom to avoid them.

Sara had been brave enough to tell him she knew he was not invested in their marriage anymore. While this was completely untrue Grissom did nothing to deny her claim. How can you explain to someone that you are so deeply invested in something that it had become downright frightening. Even after everything they had been through he was still afraid she would get tired of him and his quirks and leave. The irony of ending their marriage before she could end it was not lost on him but he seemed helpless to stop himself.

Grissom was convinced that he could only make Sara unhappy and it was the right thing to do to let her go. So at first he acted as though nothing was wrong. After that became impossible he avoided her suggestions of him coming back to the U.S. permanently or her leaving Las Vegas to be with him. Somehow, throughout the entire ordeal he still had convinced himself he was acting in her best interests. It still pained him to realize she had thought he had cheated on her. Thinking back on that now he could see his stubborn insecurities for what there really were. How could have believed he could avoid the pain of being left by the woman he loved more than anything by being the one to leave her?

It had been surprisingly easy and fast to obtain the divorce. While Sara had argued at first, pride took over as he had known it would and she eventually signed the papers. She told him she would not try to keep him in a relationship he clearly didn't want. That had been the last time they spoke. He filed the divorce papers the next day. That was two weeks before her birthday.

Three months later here he was, sitting in a hotel room staring at the remains of a dinner he hadn't enjoyed, thinking about how he had thrown away the best thing, the best person in his life. However, this hotel room was in Los Angles which was less than four hundred miles away from that person rather than half-way around the world. He just hoped he wasn't too late and hadn't done irreparable damage to her and their relationship.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**

Sorry for the delay, hopefully I will be back on track this week. This is a shorter chapter but it seemed like the best place to end it. I will try to have the next chapter up tomorrow. Super excited for the new season to begin in a little over two weeks! Looks like it will be very intense J Happy Reading!

Chapter 8

Grissom's gaze swept the hotel room and he was reminded of times past when he and Sara had processed crime scenes at anyone of the numerous Las Vegas hotels. He remembered how they had worked together well, at ease with each other but more than that. They were in tune with each other. Symmetry was a word that had occurred to him many times over the years when he thought about Sara.

However, he also remembered the times when their working together was strained. He had long since accepted that he was the reason for the strain in their working relationship and friendship before they had become lovers. He had fought what he was feeling for so long and when he could no longer fight his emotions he tried to ignore them. Looking back now, over the last few years he had come to the realization that he was still fighting his love for Sara.

It was truly ridiculous. He had loved her for far longer than even she realized. Grissom came across to most people as unfeeling or clinical in his dealings with people but the truth was he had trained himself to become that way because he really felt far too much. Distancing himself was the only way he had learned to protect himself from emotional pain, which he had learned to be inescapable. Limiting his contact with others and keeping himself apart, however, was effective in minimizing the pain. He had found it impossible to keep himself from Sara. Even when they weren't together she was always there in his mind and heart.

Grissom shook his head in silent frustration. In order to avoid pain in the future he was causing himself pain _right now._ Part of him still believed she would tire of him, realizing his quirks and habits were annoying. Part of him still believed she would stop loving him and leave him so he had never truly given himself to her, had never fully trusted her or her love. He had thought he had changed but a lifetime of habit was not so easily broken, even when the consequences were terrible.

He got to his feet with a renewed determination. He couldn't undo the past but he could damn well do something with his future. Their future. Moving quickly now, Grissom showered and brushed his teeth before packing what little he had taken out of his suitcases. Making sure he had left nothing in the room and giving it one final glance, Grissom rolled his cases into the hallway and closed the door behind him.

After checking out of the DoubleTree and loading his bags into the RAV4 he looked at the clock. It was shortly after three in the morning. He would stop for coffee and start the drive to San Francisco. His heart fluttered with a small amount of nervousness at the thought of finally seeing Sara again in less than seven hours.

Thirty minutes later, a steaming cup of Starbucks coffee sitting in the console, Grissom merged onto the freeway heading north. Up to that point he had avoided thinking about the events which had prompted his return to the United States but found the closer he got to seeing Sara the more he thought of the phone call he had received two days ago.

He had been surprised to hear Catherine's voice. It had been nearly a year since they had last spoken. He had begun avoiding nearly all of his friends when his relationship with Sara had begun to deteriorate. He didn't like lying and pretending everything was okay but he also didn't like sharing such intimate details even with his friends. Not communicating with them solved both issues. Until the moment he heard Catherine say, "What the hell is the matter with you, Gil!"

TBC…


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**

Thanks again for the great reviews! I really appreciate you taking the time to send me a note :)

Now back to Gil Grissom….

Happy Reading!

Chapter 9

_Two days previously_

Grissom had been in Lima, Peru for a few weeks having finished with his last dig. He was renting a small, one bedroom apartment close to the San Miguel Mall. He was just preparing to go down to the Peruvian style farmer's market when his cell phone chimed. He rarely received calls these days except about his work so he was a little surprised. He was even more surprised when he read the caller ID. He smiled a little at seeing his old friend's name and answered, "Grissom."

The smile fell from his face, however, when he heard her reply, "What the hell is the matter with you, Gil!"

"Hello, Catherine. I'm fine. How have you been?"

Silence met his question before he heard her take a deep breath. "Okay, maybe that wasn't the best way to start. I'm good. Great, actually. D.C. has been really good for me. Now, how are you? Really?"

"I'm fine. Really. So….are you going to tell me why you are so angry?" He almost didn't want to know but knew that she would not wait for him to ask anyway.

Again, she paused before answering. "Why didn't you tell me about you and Sara?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Catherine. What did you want me to tell you? It…it didn't work out. We were apart too much and it was too hard on Sara. On both of us," he added quickly.

"Ah. I see. You did this for her own good, right?" she asked sarcastically.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Grissom could feel a headache building. "Look, I am not going to get into this with you. No offense, but it isn't any of your business. What happened with Sara and I is between us."

"So that's it, then? What about everything that's happened to her in the last few months? Or is that just between the two of you as well?" He could hear the anger growing in her voice again and just he was about to comment on it her words registered in his brain.

"What are you talking about? What's happened?" A sudden feeling of worry and panic hit him and made him feel slightly dizzy and the throbbing in his head increased.

"You don't know," she made this a statement. Apparently, realization dawned - he had not been made aware of any problems at home. No matter what had happened he still thought of Sara as being home to him, wherever she was. "Well, if no one has told you maybe that's the way she wants it. I guess I shouldn't have called, Gil. I didn't realize just how bad things were between you."

He gritted his teeth, "Catherine, just tell me what is happening with Sara." He could hear her hesitate and tried again, "Please, Catherine. I need to know."

She sighed and then seemed to come to a decision. "I don't know everything. Just what Greg told me and that was by accident. He thought Sara had already talked to me, but you know Sara…" she trailed off.

"Yes. I do. She doesn't like to burden anyone with her problems so she doesn't talk to people."

"Hmm. Sounds like someone else I know," she said ironically. Before he could respond she continued, "She was targeted and stalked by a sociopath who had previously stalked a woman Sara had become friends with. Anyway, I'm not sure how or why he fixated on Sara but he tried to frame her for murder," she paused at his sharp intake of breath. "And, Gil. He tried to kill her."

Grissom let out a strangled sound and when he could work his voice again asked, "Was she…was she hurt?"

"Physically, she's fine. He didn't hurt her. Nick made sure of it."

He let out the breath he'd been holding and closed his eyes, feeling an intense wave of gratitude and relief flow over him. He was so grateful Nick had been there for her. Catherine continued, "Mentally and emotionally…Greg said she is dealing with it the best she can but he's worried about her. He said it was a real shock when they all found out about your divorce."

"What happened to the guy? The stalker?"

"They got him dead to rights. He's not getting out of prison anytime soon. But apparently he did a lot of damage. I'm glad Greg and Nick were there for her. It sounds like they've got a great team too. According to Greg there was a lot of…high emotions in the lab. Everyone thinking that she had cheated on you and then her becoming a murder suspect. She went through hell. Again." This last was said with an accusation in her tone.

"Cheated on me? Why would they think…She's found someone. Aleady." His legs nearly buckled as the realization hit him that he had finally succeeded in pushing her away. She had moved on. His head was spinning. This was what he had wanted but from the intense pain in his heart he also realized he had continued to hope he _would not _succeed. Suddenly the pain was replaced by anger. Anger mostly directed at himself. He wanted to hit something! What the hell had he been thinking?

"Gil?" He was so distracted he had almost forgotten that Catherine was still on the phone.

"I screwed up, Catherine."

"So fix it! Dammit, Gil, she loves you. She always has. Why you insist on hurting her I have no idea. But if you go after her again, you'd better be certain. You cannot keep playing with her emotions this way."

"But you said she cheated on me," he frowned in confusion and heard her sigh with exasperation.

"I said people thought she had cheated on you, Gil! Besides you had already left her. How do you cheat on someone who has already walked away?" She paused before asking, "So, what are you going to do?"

Without hesitation he answered, "Book a flight to Las Vegas."

"Better change that to San Francisco. Apparently, she's going there to testify at a parole hearing. She'll be there for at least a few days. Maybe meeting on neutral ground will help you get your head out of your ass."

"Can you find out where she'll be staying and the information about the hearing?" he asked, ignoring her remarks.

"I'll send it to you now. Don't screw this up again, Gil." With that she hung up and he was left staring at his phone for a few moments. Finally, he shook himself and started making arrangements to leave Peru and re-enter the U.S.

TBC…


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**

Thanks again to everyone reading and reviewing! The Mariott Marquis is a real hotel in San Francisco. I haven't been there but the pictures on their website are gorgeous! Also, the restaurants mentioned in the story are also real places – again I haven't been there but the food looks great. Happy Reading!

Chapter 10

_San Francisco, California_

_Sara_

After Doug left with the promise to pick her up for dinner in a few hours, Sara began to unpack her things. The room was spacious and actually very beautiful, unlike the many hotel rooms she had had to process over the years.

The carpet was soft white, thick enough for her bare toes to sink into as she walked from the bed to the closet. The framed photographs on the walls were originals by local artists instead of mass produced images of famous paintings. And the bed. She could hardly wait to crawl beneath the downy comforter, rest her head on the feather pillows, and feel herself sink into the memory foam mattress.

Having finished unpacking, Sara gathered together a change of clothes and a paperback mystery she had brought along and walked into the bathroom. The bathroom alone had been worth the added expense of staying at the Marquis.

The counter was tan and white speckled granite and ran the length of the room. A large glass bowl sat atop the counter, a very modern style sink but elegant. Next to the sink was a tray containing complimentary hand soap, lotion, and mouthwash. Behind that was a basket filled with handmade shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and poof.

Sara laid her clothes on the counter and ran her fingers over the towels hanging next to the shower. They were made with the soft Egyptian cotton, similar to the sheets on the bed. The room had a whirlpool bathtub and a separate shower stall. This room had been one of the biggest draws of the hotel.

She began filling the bathtub with water and threw in several lilac scented bath beads. Sara pinned her hair up and began to undress. After brushing her teeth she filled grabbed a bottle of water out of the mini-fridge and placed it along with her book, washcloth, and hand towel next to the tub. She turned off the faucet and slowly stepped into the hot bath water.

Sara closed her eyes as she sunk down into the water and sighed in contentment. Despite the reason for her return to San Francisco Sara was glad to have some time away from Las Vegas. There were too many memories and reminders of Gil and she needed to have some time to herself in a neutral setting. Leaning her head back, Sara tried to clear her mind and just concentrate on the feeling of the hot water, the relaxing scent of lilac in the air, and letting her muscles release the tension that seemed to always be with her.

As usual, however, her mind refused to remain clear and her thoughts kept drifting back to Gil. She missed him like mad. His soft, curly hair; the ways his glasses always slipped to the end of his nose when he was concentrating; the warmth and love in his eyes when he looked at her. When he used to look at her, she mentally corrected herself.

Obviously, she was unable to relax without thinking about her…ex-husband. It was still so painful to use that term. Sara reached over the side of the bathtub and picked up her book. She had only read a few chapters but so far it was holding her interest and seemed to be a good distraction from her thoughts.

More than an hour later Sara emerged from the bathroom, clean and refreshed from her trip and more than a little hungry. After dressing she booted up her laptop and checked her personal and work email. There was a message from Nick wishing her good luck at the Brinks hearing and directions to relax and try to have some fun while in 'Frisco. She smiled and sent him back a short reply.

She responded to a couple of work related emails and deleted over a dozen junk emails. There was a message from Diane Haggerty checking in with her. Not really feeling like talking, Sara decided to reply to the email instead of calling Diane to let her know she was there in San Francisco. She confirmed they were still going to meet for breakfast early the following morning, knowing they both wanted to prepare for the hearing as well as catch up with each other. After sending off the email she shut down the computer and closed the lid just as there was a knock on her door.

Sara glanced at the clock on the desk thinking that if it were Doug, he was at least an hour early. She walked to the door and looked through the peephole. She was right – he was definitely early. Smiling she opened the door and invited him in. "You're early."

He walked in and turned to her, smiling, "I know. I'm hungry and I know you don't take very long to get ready. I thought you might be ready to go." He gestured at her clothing, "See. I was right."

She shook her head and picked up her purse, "Well, I'm hungry too. And I can hardly wait to get to the Golden Era."

He gestured toward the door, "Shall we, then?" With a nod, Sara preceded him through the door and into the hall. Soon they were walking through the lobby and onto the street.

*CSI*CSI*CSI*

Nearly three hours later at nine o'clock they were walking back into the Marriott Marquis, relaxed and laughing. Sara was surprised at how much fun she had had. She and Doug had always had a strong chemistry and their intellects complimented each other. She had found herself falling back into their easy banter and she wasn't uncomfortable at all. The weirdness she had experienced when they had met in December was virtually gone.

Despite his suggestion of seeing her back to her door, Sara insisted on saying goodnight in the lobby and promised to meet him and Diane in the morning for breakfast. He took her hands and looked at her, searching her face for any indication of what she wanted. Finally, he smiled and kissed her on the cheek. Releasing her hands he turned and walked back into the night. Sara watched him go and then went back to her room.

She felt as though she had reconnected with a lifelong friend. Not to say there was no sexual tension. Doug was just as handsome as ever and his sense of humor and intelligence just increased his attractiveness. He was definitely good for her ego. He gave her his undivided attention and smiled at her like she was the only woman in the room.

Sara knew he wanted more than just the friendship he promised, despite his stated willingness to accept her decision if she only wanted to remain friends. She found herself comparing Doug to Gil and in many ways she found her former husband seriously lacking.

Early in their relationship, Sara had thought Gil to be aloof or uncaring. As they grew closer she realized the opposite was true, he sometimes cared so much it scared him. So he overcompensated by taking extreme lengths to protect himself against such strong emotions. Knowing this had helped her to be patient with the emotional distance he tried to keep between himself and everyone else. Even her.

How could she prove to him that she would not betray him if would not or could not trust her with his heart? It pained her, knowing he had never really been able to trust her completely. She had recognized the signs of him pulling away from her but was unable to stop him. She was helpless in the face of his refusal to believe she loved him. That she would always love him. It was a terrible feeling.

It had been different with Doug, _would _be different with him if she could ever enter into another relationship. He was always open with her and very affectionate. Never afraid of showing her how he felt or what he wanted. With Doug life would be simpler than it had been with Gil. But it would be lacking because Gil Grissom wouldn't be a part of it, and it was with him where her heart truly belonged.

Sara walked through her room, dressing for bed and deep in thought. Sighing, she climbed into the big bed. While Doug was certainly good for her bruised ego, getting involved with him while she still could not go two minutes without thinking of Gil would be unfair and wrong of her. Besides, Sara was not a woman who had to have a man in her life to function. She was strong and independent.

Sara needed to be on her own for a while. The events on her birthday had proved seeking comfort from one man while thinking of another could only cause her more trouble. Also, she did not want to hurt Doug. He was a good man and a good friend. He deserved better than being used in order for her to try and get over Gil.

TBC…


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_San Francisco, California_

**_Sara_**

The next morning Sara awoke refreshed and clear headed. It was the first time she had slept peacefully for months. Even with the aid of sleeping pills she had had difficulty getting any meaningful rest. It was a surprise then, after thinking about Gil during her flight and then dealing with the emotional confusion of seeing Doug again, that she would have slept so well. She lay in the large, comfortable bed for a few moments longer not wanting to give up the physical and emotional comfort she was enjoying.

Sara looked over at the bedside clock and groaned. She only had about forty-five minutes before Doug would be there to pick her up for breakfast. She threw back the comforter and went to the bathroom to get ready. Thirty minutes later she was dressed and walking out the door and right into Doug. He grabbed her arms to keep her from stumbling backward.

She looked up ready to tease him about timing when she realized how close they were standing. He would only have to move his head a few inches and he could kiss her. As soon as the thought occurred to her she glanced at his lips, feeling a flutter in her stomach and she knew he was thinking about it too.

Just as his head started to descend toward her, she cleared her throat and took a quick step back. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. After a moment she opened her eyes and tried to ease the tension, "Your timing was a little off this morning," she said smiling a little.

"I don't know. I thought my timing was great there for a minute." He quirked an eyebrow at her, challenging her to pretend he had not almost kissed her.

"Doug –"

He took a quick step back and held up his hands, "I know. Just friends." He gestured to the hallway leading to the elevators. "Well, shall we go? I can almost hear the French toast calling my name."

Since they were meeting Diane Haggarty for breakfast they were working around her work schedule. She had to be in court for another case later in the morning so they had decided to meet at Kate's Kitchen near the court house. Thankfully, the café was only ten minutes away from the hotel so there was little time for conversation before they were pulling into a parking place.

It was just after seven am and the restaurant was already filling up. As Sara walked through the door she saw Diane sitting at a table in the back corner sipping a cup of coffee. Sara grinned when she saw her old friend stand and wave them over. At first glance one would not immediately connect Diane Haggarty with law enforcement. She was tall, nearly five-foot nine putting her just slightly taller than Sara. Diane was in her late thirties, in great physical shape, and had a classic type of beauty one would normally associate with Grace Kelly.

Her classic good-looks and her husky voice had become a useful tool in her law enforcement career, putting both criminals and fellow cops at ease. She had become one of the top homicide detectives in the San Francisco Police Department in just seven years after becoming a cop. Diane was unlike most police officers Sara had worked with before in that she had an almost infinite supply of patients and tenacity in addition to compassion being a stickler for the rules.

In the years they had worked together Sara had only seen Diane struggle with the job during the Brinks investigation. There were so many victims and frustrated Diane when they could not find enough evidence to tie him to all of the crimes he was suspected of. She wanted to be able to provide some sense closure for the victim's families. Sometimes that was the job though.

As Sara came to the table Diane gave her a fierce hug and then stepped back to look at her. "Girl, you are just skin and bones! We gotta get some food in you!"

Sara laughed and shook her head. "Well, I'm ready for breakfast and some serious coffee. It's so good to see you Diane. I wish it was under different circumstances though," Sara grimaced.

"We'll get to that soon enough. Sit down and let me at that handsome young man there," Diane grinned as she held out her arms to Doug, "Come on, hugs all around!" With a shake of his head Doug returned her enthusiastic hug. While he was turned away Diane wiggled her eyebrows at Sara and pretended to fan herself.

Once they were seated a waiter came over and handed them all menus while taking their drink orders. Within minutes they each had a cup of coffee and were looking at the menu.

"I know what I'm having. This place has the greatest French toast I've ever had and I always have the French toast orgy," she said with a smile and a wink at Doug. Sara hid her grin behind her menu when she saw a slight blush on Doug's cheeks.

"I think I will just stick with the Orange Spice French toast," he said, laying down his menu. He looked at Sara. "Let me guess. Vegi Scramble, right?"

"Actually, I'm going to have the Organic Oatmeal Pancakes with bananas and almond." The restaurant smelled so good and she was hungry enough her mouth was starting to water. The waiter came back to take their orders a moment later and then left them to talk. They relaxed, drinking their coffee talking about their work mostly. Of the three of them, Diane had never been married tended to date only rarely. For all her flirting she had given on happily ever after a long time ago but she did not think of it as a bad thing.

"The last guy who asked me out wanted me to spank him," Diane was shaking her head. Why do men always think women cops are sadists? Or do I just come across as someone into BSDM?" The last question was directed at Doug.

"So far the only sadistic thing about you seems to be your flirting," he responded with a laugh.

Diane burst out laughing, "Ouch! Don't sugar coat it, just give it to me straight."

After they had eaten, the conversation turned more serious. Doug listened while Sara and Diane went over old case notes and discussed the upcoming parole hearing. Diane was surprisingly upbeat and funny considering the horrors she saw every day but when it came to work she was all business. Sara had forgotten how intense she was when on the job.

As the conversation was winding down Diane looked at her watch and cursed under her breath. "Well, kids, it's been fun but I've got a date at the court house." She grabbed the check before either Sara or Doug could protest and headed for the register. By the time she had paid they were waiting for her by the door. They walked out into the sunshine and Diane put on her sunglasses.

She held out her hand to Doug, "It was great seeing you again, Doug. Don't work too hard. Sara, I'll see you tomorrow bright and early." With that she turned and began walking in the direction of the court house.

Doug led Sara back to his car and he asked her where she wanted to go next. Sara smiled at him and said firmly, "I want to back to the hotel. I want to go over my notes again and maybe get some actual relaxation."

"Alright, back to the hotel." During the short drive they sat in comfortable silence. Back at the hotel Doug insisted on seeing her to her room. As they were walking inside he said, "So, Diane ISN'T into S & M?" Sara burst out laughing and just pushed him toward the elevators.

TBC…

**A/N**

The Mariott Marquis is a real hotel in San Francisco. I haven't been there but the pictures on their website are gorgeous! Also, Kate's Kitchen and the Golden Era are real restaurants – again I haven't been there but the food looks great.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N**

Another shorter chapter (Sorry!) and I am anxious to hear what you all think of their reunion and how it should go! Hope you enjoy and Happy Reading!

Chapter 12

**_Grissom_**

Grissom rubbed a hand over his tired face. The nearly seven hour drive went faster than he would have thought but sitting in a vehicle for that long was still very tiring. He wanted a shower and some good coffee almost desperately. As he was leaving Los Angeles he had called the hotel to find out if he would be able to check in several hours earlier than their normal check in time and luck had been with him. They were not completely full so there was a room waiting for him.

He turned into the parking garage of the Marriott Marquis and looked at the clock; it was almost 9:30 in the morning. After finding a parking space, Grissom emptied his bags out of the back of the RAV4 and headed to the elevators. Pressing the button for the lobby, he leaned his tired body against the back of the elevator. In just moments the doors opened and he stepped out, spotting the check-in desk.

Behind the counter stood several clerks, all in the process of assisting those who were already checking out of the hotel. Grissom stepped into the shortest line and looked around him. The hotel was beautiful from the outside and very elegant inside. So different from the hotels he was used to in Las Vegas with the tacky carpeting and constant noise of slot machines.

Grissom had just stepped forward to the desk when he heard a familiar laugh behind him. His back straightened and he hesitated in turning around. He hadn't wanted to meet her by accident while he was trying to check into his room. But he also could not just stand there while she walked past. Grissom turned with a tentative smile on his face but stopped when he realized the reason for her laughter.

Sara, looking beautiful in a black and white patterned blouse paired with black slacks, was smiling up at a good-looking, younger man. She was laughing with him. Trying to regain his composure, Grissom looked closer at the man walking with Sara. Was this the guy everyone had thought she had cheated with? There certainly looked…friendly and familiar with each other. They passed by him and around the corner to the elevators without Sara even glancing his way. She hadn't seen him.

"Sir?" Grissom remembered where he was and stepped forward to the counter. He moved through the check in process in a bit of a daze, but remembered to request a room on her floor. Grissom walked slowly to the elevators and waited for one to open. He manage to make it to his room without running into Sara and breathed a sigh of relief when he was finally able to kick off his shoes and sink down onto the bed.

Seeing Sara with another man had surprised him and made him feel a little sick but he refused to contemplate the meaning of them going to her room together. There were any number of possible explanations and, he reminded himself, he had created the situation they were in. Grissom had pushed her away, time and again. If she had finally stopped resisting and given in he had only himself to blame. Regardless, he had come here with a purpose and he was not leaving until he had seen her, talked to her. All he could do was hope.

With that thought, Grissom pushed himself off of the bed and began to unpack. He would shower before going to her room but he could not imagine waiting longer than that to see her now that he was so close.

**_Sara_**

"Doug, I think she likes you," Sara said laughing as she closed the door to her room. She turned to see him shaking his head and grinning.

"We met on the same case you and worked together but never had time to talk. Besides I was a little preoccupied with a certain CSI." Doug pulled out the desk chair and sat down, stretching his long legs out in front of him while Sara kicked off her shoes and sat cross-legged on the bed.

"Yes, you were. But…" she paused with a half smile on her face. She took a deep breath and continued, "I've thought a lot about us, about getting involved with you again. I can't, Doug. I love Gil. I've loved him for so long and I think I will always love him. Even now, after everything."

Doug was quiet for a moment and smiled ruefully. Reaching out to pat her hand he said, "I know you do. I wish you weren't hurting, Sara. You deserve to be happy."

Suddenly, Sara was blinking back tears. "I was happy for a while. And I will be happy again. It's just been hard these last few months."

They sat there for several minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Finally, Doug broke the silence, "So Diane is single? I might just give her a call," he said with a grin. "I should get going. I'll see you at the hearing tomorrow." She looked at him in surprise and he shrugged. "Moral support." He leaned down and kissed her cheek before leaving.

Sara stayed sitting there for a while, thinking about everything that had happened. She hoped Doug would call Diane. She thought there could be something there. Mostly, she thought about Gil and huge hole he had left in her life. Sara started when there was a knock at the door. She smiled thinking Doug had forgotten something and opened the door. Her smile faded and her mind went blank with shock.

"Hello, Sara." Standing outside her door was her husband, whom she had not seen in months. _Ex-husband, _she mentally corrected herself, coming out of her shock. Her mouth opened but no sound came out. She could not seem to make herself speak. "You look good. Beautiful, really." She stood there at the door while his eyes roamed over her, finally coming back to her face. He smiled a little nervously and asked, "Can I come in?"

Still slightly dazed, Sara stepped back and gestured for him to enter. He walked into her room and as he passed she breathed deeply, closing her eyes as she recognized his scent. Quickly, she opened her eyes again and closed the door. Turning to Grissom she started to speak but her voice died in her throat as he turned back to her, trapping her between him and the door. He moved slowly forward until he was only a few inches from touching her.

She leaned her back against the closed door and waited to see what he would do. She did not have to wait long. Grissom reached up and cupped her face with both hands, cradling her head and brushing his thumbs across her cheekbones. Once again her eyes closed and a moment later she felt his breath on her face just before his lips touched hers.

The kiss was soft and over almost as soon as it began but he did not move away. Instead he leaned his forehead against hers and they stood that way, savoring their nearness. She brought her hands up and wrapped her fingers around his wrists. She opened her eyes and saw his clear blue eyes looking at her. He kissed her again, lightly and pulled her into a hug. Sara slipped her arms around him and hugged him tightly, trying to keep herself from crying. She had hoped for this moment for so long but she really had no idea why he was here and what he wanted.

TBC…

**A/N**

The Mariott Marquis is a real hotel in San Francisco. I haven't been there but the pictures on their website are gorgeous! Also, Kate's Kitchen and the Golden Era are real restaurants – again I haven't been there but the food looks great.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Grissom**_

Until that moment Grissom had not realized just how much he missed her. With so much time and distance between them it was easier to not think about seeing her and holding her. Now that she was in his arms he was hit with such an intense feeling of longing and sorrow for the all time they had missed. Time they had missed because of him. At that moment Grissom truly hated himself, hated the person he had allowed himself to become.

He had not intended to kiss her as soon as he was in her room but seeing her standing there with her back against the door and a confused look on her face had moved him to follow his heart instead of his head. So he had stepped forward and gently taken her face in his hands, feeling her soft skin and he had kissed her. It was a light, tentative kiss because he was not sure how she would react.

Grissom felt overwhelmed with the importance of the next few hours and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against her. Maintaining some contact seemed crucial for him to hold himself together. He half expected her to shove him away but instead she held his wrists and he looked down at her. When she opened her brown eyes he leaned down and lightly kissed her again before taking her into his arms. They stood there holding each other for several minutes before she pulled away.

Even though he was expecting her to draw away from him, the pain and fear he felt was staggering. The first time he had nearly lost her was to a mentally disturbed woman bent on revenge. This time if he lost her… Grissom gave himself a mental shake. He could not, would not think that way.

Sara stepped away from him and walked further into the room. He watched her as she hesitated by the bed and then sat in one of the two reading chairs by the window. She looked at him then and he could see the pain he had caused her.

"What are you doing here, Gil?"

Grissom hesitated, not sure how or where to begin. "I needed to see you, Sara." She watched him walk toward her and settle himself into the chair opposite her. He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his knees, clasping his hands together to keep from reaching for her again. After looking at the carpet for a moment he raised his eyes to meet hers. "I am so sorry for hurting you." She looked away from him, her jaw clenched.

"Hurting me seems to be what you do best, Gil." He flinched at her angry words but knew he deserved them. "Why are you so sorry now? And how did you know I was here?" She finally looked at him again, a mixture of anger and hurt on her face but also something else. He thought he saw hope there too.

"Sara, I never wanted for any of this to happen. I…" His words trailed off. He had never been good with expressing his feelings for anyone but especially her which frustrated him to no end because she was the one person he should be able to be open with. "I've made a mess of things. You are the most important person in the world to me. The only woman I've ever loved. I've only ever been truly happy when I'm with you."

Sara was shaking her head, disbelief written across her features. "If you love me so much and I mean so much to you, why did you leave me? I don't believe you, Gil!" She rubbed her forehead with one hand, closing her eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

Grissom sat there for a moment trying to figure out how to vocalize his thoughts and emotions. He wondered how he could be so intelligent and so stupid at the same time. He glanced at Sara and saw she was waiting, surprisingly patient.

"Sara, loving you has been the most incredible experience in my life. It has also been the most terrifying. I want to be with you and share everything with you but I am so scared that you will finally realize you could find a man that can give you more than I can. I'm old enough to know my short-comings and I've accepted them. You deserve more, Sara."

Grissom held his breath as he waited for Sara to respond. "Let me get this straight. We were together, happy, and in love. But because you were afraid I _might_ leave you, you decided to leave me first. Hurting us both by deciding a future based on one possible outcome? How does that make sense, Gil?"

Grissom did not know what to say because she was right. That basically summed up the last several years. He straightened his shoulders and looked into her face, the face of his soul mate. The face of the woman he had put through hell.

"It doesn't make sense. Emotions aren't rational. Maybe that is why I've had such a hard time dealing with them all my life. Sara, I need you to know that I never meant for any of this. I didn't realize what I was doing to us until…until I felt it was too late to fix."

**_Sara_**

Sara sat there staring at the man she had loved for so long. It was not that she had expected him to be dishonest but she had not expected him to understand his own actions. He was not usually one to deeply examine his motivations or reasons for his decisions and she was surprised at this.

She sat there looking at the carpet between her feet for a long time. She had so many conflicting emotions racing through her right now. She was both happy and sad to see him. She felt despair at the state of their relationship and anger at him for putting her through this. She felt the familiar rush of adrenaline at seeing him followed closely by the desire to touch and kiss him. Probably the feeling that scared her the most though was hope.

How many times had she allowed herself to hope that they would be together and she would finally be happy and had that hope destroyed by Gil himself? Sara knew she could not go on this way. She could not keep repeating the same cycle with him. She would go crazy. She also knew that her stubborn heart would never give up on him.

Feeling overwhelmed with these conflicting thoughts and emotions Sara stood and began to pace the short length of the room. She glanced at her ex-husband and saw him watching her with what she recognized as hope on his handsome face. Sara wanted to shout at him, berate him for his insecurities; she wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

She sat on the edge of the bed feeling suddenly tired. Sara realized she did not really want to do any of those things. She did not want to hurt the one man she loved more than anything, no matter what he'd done but she was not just going to pretend like nothing had happened either. She decided to let him lead for now.

"You still haven't answered my question, Gil. Why are you here? What is it you want from me?" She had learned never to ask a question she wasn't prepared to know the answer too but she had to know what was going through his mind. Was he here to apologize in person for the way their marriage ended and then he would leave again? Did he want her forgiveness before moving on with his life without her? Or did he want to…date? She almost laughed at the thought. She needed to know his intentions.

TBC…


	14. Chapter 14

**_**_****A/N****

**Sorry for the delay in the new chapter but work has been crazy! Thanks again to everyone reading and a special thank you to everyone who had taken the time to review! Happy Reading!**

**_Grissom_**

Grissom sat there, hands still clasped in front of him, watching as Sara paced the room. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to take her into his arms and try to take away the events of the last few years. Finally she sat down on the edge of the bed and just looked at her stocking-clad feet for a few minutes. He waited patiently, knowing whatever happened he would do everything within his power to, if not erase the past, do his damndest to make up for it.

Finally she looked at him, her face unreadable. "You still haven't answered my question, Gil. Why are you here? What is it you want from me?"

This was his chance to try to make this right. He paused, choosing his words carefully. He stood slowly and walked over to stand in front of her. As she looked up at him, he sank to his knees at her feet and took her hands in his. Grissom looked into her face and felt such a strong pang of regret at the years they had lost. That regret only made him more determined to fix their relationship.

"Sara, I'm here because I want to save our marriage, which may have ended on paper but not in my heart. No matter what happens you will always be my wife, my partner, my soul mate. I have made so many mistakes but the worst was pushing you away. I don't know if I can really explain why, I can only promise you that I will do my best to never do it again."

Grissom released one of her hands to cup her cheek, running his thumb over her lips. "I love you, Sara, so much. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy. I'll do whatever it takes to earn another chance to prove myself to you and to earn your trust again. Please, Sara…"he paused as his voice broke and his throat closed with emotion. Swallowing hard, he continued, "Please, tell me you haven't given up on me."

**_Sara_**

As Gil spoke, Sara felt the world shift. It had always seemed as though during moments in which our future could be changed forever, time slows and details one normally would not notice become startlingly clear. She heard the soft hum of the air conditioner and the rustle of the curtains from the force of the air blowing from the vent.

Looking at Gil she noticed a slight redness on his jaw, probably from shaving hurriedly or while distracted. She saw the traces of grey in his blue eyes and smelled the toothpaste and coffee on his breath. Sara also became hyper aware of her own body; the pounding of her heart; the feel of his skin on hers at their joined hands; the urge to touch her lips to his and remind herself of his taste.

Sara wanted to pretend the last several months had not happened. She wanted to wish away the pain and heartache but knew she could not. She understood how difficult it had been for Gil to express his feelings and admit his mistakes. Sara wanted to forgive him, in fact her heart already had. Her head, however, did not want to give him another chance to hurt her. If they were going to try again it would take time to rebuild lost trust. Also, they had been apart so long they needed time to get to know each other again.

Sara decided she would be willing to give him yet another chance but only with certain stipulations. First though she had to do one thing she had been wanting to since she had seen him standing in the hallway.

She pulled her hands free and placed his on her knees. With her fingertips she explored his face, trailing them over his forehead and across his cheeks until one hand lay against the side of his face while she touched his lips softly with the fingers of her other hand. Gil's eyes fluttered closed at her gentle exploration. He licked his dry lips, inadvertently touching her fingers with his tongue. He opened his eyes at her sudden intake of breath and focused on her lips. Sara could see the same heat of desire that rushed through her, on his face.

Leaning forward, Sara placed her lips where her fingers had been. His lips were dry but soft and almost immediately he returned her kiss, not demanding but definitely insistent. When she felt his mouth open and his tongue against her lips she groaned deep in her throat and allowed him entrance. Sara threaded her hands through his hair and pulled him closer as his tongue slid across hers. His hands moved up her thighs, parting them so he could get closer. Still on his knees in front of her, he gripped her hips as he moved forward until he was flush against her from chest to pelvis.

Sara shuddered as she felt his hands pull her closer and she wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss further. Gil cupped her butt and brought her hard against his pelvis. She was not surprised to find he was hard. It had always been like that between them.

She had known kissing him was not a good idea but she needed to taste him and feel him. Now she did not want to stop and from the feel of him straining against her, neither did he. But this could not happen. Not yet; not until they had talked and made some decisions.

Sara broke the kiss, gasping for air and tried to speak but as soon as her lips left his, Gil began kissing his way down her neck and then back up to her ear. Her eyes closed and she reveled in the sensations as one of his hands held her hips against him and the other moved to tangle in her hair. Finally he just held her that way as their breathing slowed.

Sara hugged him tightly and then slowly leaned back, putting some much needed distance between them. She looked into Gil's flushed face and took a deep breath.

"We need to talk, Gil. Before…" She stopped as he nodded his understanding. Slowly he stood up, grimacing at the discomfort from being on his knees for so long. Upright, he held out a hand to her. She took it and allowed him to pull her up from the bed. He surprised her, however, when he tugged her into his arms, hugging her. They stood that way for a while, drawing comfort from one another.

Finally she pulled away, at once feeling unreasonably lonely. They sat down again at the table and she faced him, linking her hands together on the tabletop.

"Gil," she began hesitantly, "I love you. Through everything that has not changed." She smiled at his relieved sigh. "But, obviously love has never been the problem and we can't expect it to be the solution either."

Sara did not want to continue but she had to be honest with him and with herself. "I don't want to hurt anymore, Gil. I'm tired. If you really want to work things out between us I am willing to try but there has to be some major changes. If we can agree on the terms, for lack of a better word, then we can try to make this work."

Grissom had been still and quiet while she spoke and took a moment to gather his thoughts. Sara was nervous, not sure what he would say. Suddenly, she wanted to tell him she would do whatever it took to make their marriage work but maybe that had been one of the major problems all along. She was quick to agree and make concessions, not because he wanted her to or expected it but because she wanted to keep him from feeling pressured. That was not to say he had not made changes or sacrificed for her but things needed to be more equal between them.

"I know we will have to make changes and I am prepared for that. The only important thing is being with you, Sara. Everything else is just details. He once more reached for her hands across the table. "I don't want to hurt you and I will do everything I can to make you happy. Just tell me what I can do."

Sara let out a breath she had not known she was holding. "I need to know how we got here, Gil. Why did it get this bad and why did you stop talking to me? What happened to us?" Until that moment, Sara had been successful in not crying but tears threatened to overflow as she looked at the one man she loved, who had the power to crush her heart.

**_Grissom_**

At first Grissom was not sure where to begin but finally decided to start at the first time he realized he had pulled away from her. He did his best to explain his irrational fears, hoping to show her how willing he was to recognize those fears and work through them _with _her. He knew they had to do this together as a team in order to make it work.

He talked to her for more than an hour before he ran out of steam. Exhausted, he slumped back in his chair. Grissom looked over at Sara and saw surprised understanding on her features. He had bared more of himself to her in that hour than he had ever done his entire life. He realized he had been a fool to ever believe he could deal with his issues on his own without it affecting her.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts, then Sara cleared her throat. "It took a long time for us to mess this up, so we can't expect to fix it in one day," she said with a small smile. "Would you have lunch with me?"

The slow smile that spread across Grissom's face was brilliant. "I would love to." His stomach suddenly rumbled, punctuating his words and effectively lifting the somber mood. Sara grinned.

"Come on. Let's get you fed." She stood and held out her hand to him. He knew things were far from resolved but right then he felt an enormous sense of hope and gratitude. As he stood, he resisted the urge to pull her back into his arms but he need not have worried as she embraced him quickly and then stepped back again.

TBC…


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**

Sorry for the long absence – life sure has been crazy! Another huge THANK YOU to all those reading and reviewing!

Chapter 15

After quickly hugging Gil, Sara grabbed her purse and walked to the door, afraid if she lingered she would kiss him again and it was too soon. Gil followed her into the hall and they walked together to the elevators. On the ride to the downstairs they agreed to have lunch and talk in the Bar 55 Restaurant and Bar located in the lobby of the beautiful hotel. Being nearly two o'clock in the afternoon on a weekday there was no wait to be seated.

The hostess showed them to a quiet booth set away from the other guests, perhaps sensing their need for privacy. As Sara settled into her seat she looked around and was impressed with the comfortable atmosphere of the restaurant. The cushions in her seat were soft and thick, allowing her to sink into the booth the way she might her on luxurious couch at home. The table was wide, providing plenty of space to stretch their legs. Lighting above the table was soft and intimate. It seemed like the perfect neutral location to enjoy lunch together.

Their waitress came quickly to take their drink orders and give them menus. They fell into a comfortable silence while they looked over the menu and waited for their drinks. Within minutes the waitress has delivered their iced-teas and taken their order. After she walked away Sara sat back and watched as Gil nervously fingered his napkin. Finally he looked up and met her eyes with a slight smile.

"Sara." He shook his head, a look of wonder on his face. "I can't quite believe I'm here. _We're_ here. It seems…surreal somehow."

"I know." She looked at him curiously. "You still haven't told me how you knew where to find me."

Grissom shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He was unsure of how Sara would react to Catherine having called him. Finally, he steeled himself and met her eyes.

"Catherine told me you in San Francisco for the hearing." Grissom watched Sara closely trying gauge her reaction but her face had become a mask he could not read.

"Catherine told you." Sara paused, her mind racing with questions and she suddenly had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She searched his eyes and realized she had been a fool. Again. Sara felt her cheeks flush with humiliation and closed her eyes, trying to maintain control of her emotions. "Gil, how did Catherine know I was here?" Opening her eyes, Sara found herself holding her breath.

Grissom reached across the table for her hand but she pulled away before he could touch her. He curled his hand into a loose fist, leaving it resting on the table top. Meeting his eyes, Sara asked, "You weren't trying to find me, were you? Catherine called you."

He frowned and opened his mouth to say something but no sound came out. She leaned back against her seat with her hand clenched in her lap. "What else did Catherine tell you, Gil? What really made you come here? You didn't suddenly have a change of heart, you had no intention of trying to work things out until you talked with her, did you?" Sara felt her anger and humiliation building with every word. The worst part; he was not denying any of it.

"Sara, Catherine meant well. She just wanted me to know…" he trailed off, knowing that was the wrong avenue to take but Sara had apparently already begun down that road.

"Well? What did she want you to know, Gil?"

"She just said you had been having a hard time," he thought frantically, trying to find a way to diffuse the situation.

"She had no right to tell you anything about me. And how did she know anyway? I haven't talked to her in months," her mouth dropped open as dawning occurred. Someone, probably Greg or Nick had talked to her and instead of calling Sara she had called Gil instead. Sara felt the burn of betrayal in her stomach and her hands were shaking.

"Why did you really come here, Gil? What did she tell you that made you change your mind about us?"

Grissom tried to reach for her again but she shrank back from his touch. Despair washed over him with the realization that he may have finally destroyed their relationship. He also knew that he owed her the truth, no matter how painful for him to admit.

"She told me about Basderic stalking you and trying to frame you." Sara began shaking her head and started to slide out of the booth. Desperate to keep her there, talking to him he grabbed her arm. She yanked her arm back so hard she banged her elbow into the back of the booth.

"Don't touch me."

"Sara, please. Don't do this. Don't go. Talk to me, just let me explain." Grissom knew he was begging and did not care. Now that he was here and had seen and held her, he knew the magnitude of the mistake he had made in leaving her. He also knew he did not want to live without her another day but he could see his chance of being with Sara again slipping away in her anger and hurt.

"Let you explain what, Gil? Explain to me how you were just fine before talking to Catherine. Explain to me how the only time you want to be with me is when I'm in danger. Explain to me how you can keep hurting me, time after time and I keep coming back for more." Sara's voice broke and she clenched her jaws, refusing to cry in front of him. She knew she wasn't being entirely fair but dammit he wasn't being fair to her. She just wanted to get away from him.

Sara stood quickly and looked down at him. "You know what? You don't have to explain anything. I think I understand perfectly. I was a fool to hope things had changed. Just leave me alone, Gil." With she turned and walked out of the restaurant and out of his life.

TBC...


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

**_Sara_**

The next few days passed by in a blur for Sara. She met Diane and Doug at the court house for the parole hearing the day following her painful reunion with Gil. The hearing went surprisingly smooth despite the high level of emotions among the witnesses. Other law enforcement officials testified as well as family members of the victims.

No one spoke on behalf of Lyle Brinks other than himself and his claims of rehabilitation were weak and unconvincing at best. It took only a few hours for the panel to review the case history, testimony, and Brinks' prison record and decide to deny him parole for another ten years.

There was no celebration among the police and family members, just the acknowledgement that Lyle Brinks would not have another chance to claim innocent lives for at least another decade. However, the victims stayed dead and lives remained forever touched by the senseless violence one man had brought to so many families.

Sara decided to postpone returning to Las Vegas for two more days. She was not ready to go back and face her friends yet. They knew nothing of her encounter with Gil but her emotions were still too raw and she needed time to be alone. She met with Diane for dinner the night of the hearing and they said their goodbyes, promising again to keep in touch through email.

Doug tried repeatedly to convince Sara to spend time with, visit some old haunts and test their renewed friendship but Sara was afraid she would give into temptation. She knew if she became involved with Doug intimately again it would be for the wrong reasons. She also knew it would only cause her more pain in the long run.

Sometimes she wished she could just lose herself in a brief fling, a purely physical encounter with Doug. He was funny, smart, sexy, and interested. But she knew he was interested in more than just a fling even if she were so inclined. If she gave in and became involved with him now, it would end. She knew that instinctively and she understood that if she were not still so in love with Gil, she would also be interested in more than a purely physical relationship. She knew she could love him, just not the way she loved Gil. Would that really be fair to Doug? She believed he deserved to find a woman that loved him as completely as she had loved Gil.

It made her ache inside to realize her heart would always be with Gil, no matter how many times he hurt her. They were soul mates. She believed that with every fiber of her being but it did not give him a free pass. The knowledge that he would not have come to her, that he would not have attempted to repair their relationship if Catherine had not called him pierced her heart. What did that say about Gil? What did it say about their marriage and relationship?

Gil had tried to talk to her twice more but Sara rebuffed him and she had not seen or heard from him since. She figured he had given up and left which left her with a mixture of sadness, resignation, and a small amount of relief. Maybe she would begin to heal now.

The day before she was planning to return to Las Vegas she got a panicked call from Greg telling her about Morgan's abduction. She immediately packed her things and arranged for a sooner flight to go home. Six hours later she was back in the lab as they all worked to find Morgan and Ellie and she finally able to put Gil out of her mind.

**_Grissom_**

Grissom lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling above him. The events of the past week played over and over again in his mind. If he closed his eyes he could still see clearly Sara walking out of Bar 55, could still see the look of betrayal and pain on her face. He had stayed sitting there for a while. When the food came he asked the waitress to box it up and give it to someone who needed it more than he did. He paid the tab and moved into the darkened bar area. For the first time in too many years to count, Grissom had slowly drank himself into oblivion.

He was always so much in control of himself and his surroundings but that day he felt as though his life was not in his control at all. He wanted to lose himself and just stopping _thinking _for a while. So for hours he sat and drank and stared at the sports channel playing on the television above the bar. His mind kept straying back to Sara and all of the mistakes he had made with her year after year but he resolutely pushed those thoughts away. Instead he tried to remember the times in his life when he had been truly happy and realized all of those moments had been with Sara.

Grissom did not remember paying his tab or even making it back to his room but there was a note on his bedside table. Apparently, the bartender had charged his bill to his room and then helped Grissom into the elevator and put him to bed. Grissom tried to remember the bartenders name and what he looked like but could not.

Most of the next day was spent lying in bed trying to survive his hellish hangover and Grissom remembered why he had not been drunk in years. He tried to talk to Sara again but she wanted nothing to do with him at that point. Her pain was still too raw. He wanted to give her time and space but also wanted her to know he was not going to give up. He spent much of the following day in the lobby just hoping to see her again.

When he did see Sara he was surprised to see she had gotten her hair cut and was wearing lipstick. She looked beautiful of course but she had never worn lipstick very often preferring gloss or balm. One of the many things he loved about her was her natural beauty and that she did not try to change how she looked with unnecessary make-up. As he watched her walking briskly through the lobby he realized she had her luggage with her.

Grissom had sat up in surprise. She was leaving. She was leaving and she was not going to even tell him or say goodbye. Considering how they had parted the last time they spoke, Grissom realized he should not have been surprised but he was hurt just the same. He had gone back to his room to arrange a flight to Las Vegas and a place to stay. At least he knew where she was going.

During the flight to Vegas, Grissom had decided not to tell anyone he was back in the states yet. He needed some time to work out how he was going to earn back Sara's trust and love. He also was not quite ready to face their friends yet, not until he and Sara had a chance to talk again. As he had been trying to work out how to see her again and get her to talk to him, his phone rang. When he read the name on the display he felt a surge of hope and answered with a smile which quickly faded.

Sara had called him but only to let him know what had been going on since he had seen her leave the hotel in San Francisco. Grissom did not remember if he actually said anything to Sara during that phone call because as he listened he went into a shock-like state as told him about Brass' daughter Ellie. She had thought maybe he could help Jim get through the next few days or weeks since he knew Jim better than anyone had.

Memories of working with Jim and the time they had talked about how Ellie was in some trouble had flashed through his mind. He did not know how long he sat there before he realized Sara had hung up. Over the next several days he did everything he could to help Jim make funeral arrangements and avoid the press as well as the district attorney's office. Mostly Grissom listened while Jim talked about Nancy and how much in love they had been in beginning. He placed the blame of their marriage troubles and eventually divorce solely with himself. Jim had been unfaithful and had not known how to deal with the stress of the job. He had ruined his marriage and hurt the one person he loved and now he blamed himself for her death as well.

Grissom had listened while Jim alternately raged at himself and Ellie and then cried, overcome with pain and guilt. Grissom understood that it was too soon to trying and ease the guilt Jim was feeling. Nothing he could say or do would change the way his friend felt so he just listened and offered support. His heart ached for Jim and he could relate to many of the feelings which had overtaken the detective. He had also hurt the one person he loved. He had left her just as Jim had left Nancy. The difference was that Grissom still had a chance to fix his relationship.

Running his hand over his face, Grissom brought himself back to the present. He stretched, sat up on the edge of the bed and loosened his tie. He had just come from Nancy's funeral service. Grissom had wanted to sit with Jim but he had wanted to be alone. So Grissom had stood at the back of the church observing the service. Sara was sitting with Nick and he watched as she reached over to rub his back comfortingly. Greg was sitting with the new nightshift supervisor, D.B. Russell and Julie Finlay, whom Grissom had met only briefly before the service.

After the funeral Jim had wanted to be alone so Grissom had gone back to his room and now here he was; still unsure of what the future would bring but wishing he had Sara in his arms at that very moment. All at once Grissom knew what he needed to do.

TBC…


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N**

Thank you so much again to everyone reading and especially everyone reviewing! It means a lot and helps me to continue this labor of love. I will get around to answering everyone personally again….been working long hours and not spending much time at the computer these days so I save it for writing!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this new chapter and I should have the next one out in a day or so. Happy Reading!

Chapter 17

_Sara_

The church was mostly empty except for those closest to Jim and the team was scattered throughout the large room. Sara had wanted to sit with Jim but he hugged her tightly and said he needed to be alone. Fighting tears for her friend, she nodded and glanced to the back of the church were Gil was standing. She met his eyes for a moment and then went to sit next to Nick. Throughout the service she offered what little comfort she could to Nick and wished that Gil had come to sit with them, though she understood why he did not.

As they filed out of the church once the service was over she avoided looking at Gil again, feeling as though she would fall apart if she saw him at that moment. Sara walked slowly to her car, overcome with a myriad of emotions. She did not really want to be alone right then but she went home anyway. After picking up the mail, Sara unlocked the front door and stepped into her home. She looked around and felt a profound sadness at her failed relationship with Gil.

Everywhere she looked she found reminders of their life together, the happiest she had ever been. Sara expected to feel sadness and betrayal but the strength of her anger at Gil surprised her. She had felt so hopeless for so many years before he finally got the courage to admit his feelings. The amount of time spent together in happiness was not nearly long enough to make her forget the years spent in misery. It was almost worse now because she knew what life with Gil was like. She knew how happy and in love they were. That he had been able to walk away from her like none of it mattered was devastating.

When they had spent time talking together in San Francisco, Sara had been able to imagine them working through their problems and being together again. When she realized that Gil would have stayed away if Catherine had not intervened she knew nothing had changed. He had not realized his mistake in leaving her but was spurred into action by events months past. It was disheartening to know she did not mean enough to him to make changes on his own.

More frustrating was the knowledge that he was here, in Las Vegas, and only a phone call away. Sara wanted desperately to see him again, to hear his voice, to feel heart beat under her ear as he held her. Sara sank down into a comfortable overstuffed chair and leaned her head back, looking at the ceiling. Why did it have to be so hard, so complicated, she thought to herself. The conflicting feelings racing through her made her want to scream in frustration.

Sara wondered what she would do if he tried to reconcile with her again. Would she give him another chance? Would she be able to forgive him? Sara shook her head, smiling wryly. She doubted she would need to make those decisions. For as tenacious as Gil was with forensics and entomology he gave up on her with surprising ease.

She kicked off her shoes and tucked one leg underneath her, getting more comfortable and started sorting through the mail. It was such a shame the amount of paper wasted on unwanted ads and other junk mail. A couple of credit card offers and an envelope saying she was pre-approved for a car loan. Whoopee. The only items that were not junk were the bills. Sara felt emotionally exhausted but knew there were chores she needed to take care of before relaxing too much.

Sara stood and gathered the trash to deposit in the paper recycling bin. She grabbed her watering can and filled it up at the sink. She was just turning off the water when the doorbell rang. She was not expecting anyone but her heart gave a little start at the thought that it might be Gil. Carrying the watering car, she walked to the door and looked through the peephole. Sure enough there was Gil Grissom standing on her – their – doorstep, looking incredibly nervous, yet still handsome in his black suit.

Just as he raised his hand to knock she opened the door. His hand froze in mid-air as he looked at her across the threshold. She fought the urge to look away from his intense gaze and all of a sudden realized this was it. Before the night was over she would know if they were going to try to work things out or if their divorce was truly final. With that realization came a mixture of relief and fear. Relief that this feeling of limbo would be over and fear that _they_ would be over.

"Hi, Gil," she said and stepped back to allow him entrance. She watched as he came through the doorway and immediately looked around to see what she had changed. Sara followed his gaze, trying to see what he was seeing and realized she had changed surprisingly little. She felt a twinge of self-consciousness that all of the photos of them together were still in place. It felt like an admission that she was waiting for him but the pain in her heart did not want him to know that she had been waiting for him. Sara pushed those thoughts aside, recognizing the self-defeating nature of the poisonous thoughts.

Though she had been hurt before, she squared her shoulders and promised herself she would not allow pain and anger to take control. If she was able to put those feelings aside and not lash out, there might still be a chance for them. Hurting him would only make her feel better for a moment but the consequences would stay with her forever.

Once he had surveyed the room he turned back to her, interrupting her thoughts, which was probably a good thing. Sara had a habit of over-thinking things. She closed the door and started watering her plants to give herself something to do while she tried to calm her mind – and her hands. He watched her move around the room without saying a word, perhaps recognizing her need to take a few moments.

With the plants watered, Sara set the watering can down and turned back to Gil. She felt so nervous her hands were still shaking but she was calm enough to face him again.

"Do you want something to drink?"

He started to shake his head and then changed his mind. "A beer or a glass of wine would be great."

Sara nodded once and motioned for him to follow her to the kitchen. She grabbed two beers from the fridge and went to sit at the table which he got coasters from the cupboard and then took the chair next to her instead of the one across from her. He put the coasters on the table and grabbed her hand after she had set his beer down in front of him. Gil turned her hand and softly kissed her palm, his soft beard tickling her fingers. He held her hand to his cheek and closed his eyes and she swallowed hard. She had missed touching him. Hell, she had missed nearly everything about him and their life together.

Slowly, reluctantly, she pulled her hand away and gripped her beer bottle with it instead. As much as she wanted to forget all that had happened and just let him hold her for a while, she needed to know what his intentions were. And she had some decisions to make.

TBC...


End file.
